
It might seem a little early, but I wanted to talk to you all about a very important meeting coming up. March 12th (please note the date, since it’s not our usual 1st Wednesday of the month). This meeting is going to be our 10th anniversary, and we are so incredibly excited to share 10 years of classic horror with all of you! To that end, I encourage all of you to make a point to join us, even if you haven’t been to the meetings in a while. Or, perhaps I should say ESPECIALLY if you haven’t been to our meetings in a while! Think of this as a big, scary family reunion, bringing together a decade’s worth of fiends!
I’m still working out the details of the event, but there will be food and prizes and of course a horror film. Please mark your calendars! I can’t wait to see all of you!
--The Horror Hostess
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At our last meeting we watched The Maze (1953). For those of you who missed the meeting, let me tell you a little about the film. In this chiller, Kitty and Gerald are all set to be married. But, Gerald is called away to claim a mysterious inheritance, and reaches out to Kitty only to break off their engagement. Seeking answers, Kitty goes to the remote Scottish estate and finds Gerald strangely changed. What has happened to him in the short time since he's been gone? And what's the horrible secret hidden in the maze in the center of the estate?
We had a cozy 13 turn up for the meeting and it was delightful to share some Christmasy treats with the group just before the holidays. Special thanks to everyone who brought something for the rest of us to enjoy.
We had quite a few familiar faces this month, but in interest of space (our newsletter software does have its limitations!) we'll keep this as brief as possible. Richard Carlson, our haunted Gerald MacTeam has been in several of our films and is a personal favorite of your Hostess. My favorite of his performances was John Putnam in It Came From Outer Space (June 2023). Creepy butler William was Michael Pate, or Talon in The Strange Door (February 2018). John Dodsworth (Bert) was an uncredited priest in The Mole People (November 2024) and Lillian Bond (his wife, Margaret) was Gladys in The Old Dark House (November 2016). Robin Hughes (Richard) was also in The Mole People as an officer, and was the head of Gideon Drew in The Thing that Couldn't Die (December 2022). Jack Chefe (uncredited waiter) was a townsman in The Strange Door. Clyde Cook (cab driver) made a fairly recent appearance in our September 2024 film as a drunk at the pub in Abbott and Costello Meet Dr. Jekyll and Mr. Hyde. Bert Stevens (nightclub table extra) was also in that film, as a member of the mob. Finally, we have Kenner G. Kemp (dancing extra at party) who was a patron of the arts in A Bucket of Blood (November 2020), and Harold Miller and Bess Flowers (also dancing extras) who were both party guests in The She-Creature (November 2021).
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Scary Christmas and Happy Howl-idays to my favorite fiends! I hope that 2024 has been good to you, as it certainly has been to us. As Christmas quickly approaches, we’ve been hard at work in the Vault, putting up decorations, wrapping presents, and concocting plans to keep the wolfmen from eating Santa’s reindeer. I hope that your holiday prep has likewise been as lowkey as this.
So much has happened in the past twelve months. For starters, back in January, the mysterious Planet X passed by Earth again, and it was so close you could almost make out the topography on the surface with the aid of our meager telescopes. The Astronomy and Astronomy Club was thrilled to pieces with this turn of events, and even more exciting, we found Dr. Meers! Long-term readers of this newsletter might recall that he went missing back in 2018, the last time that we were able to get this close to Planet X. He’s a bit frazzled, but alive, and we’re glad to have him back!
On a less positive note, we’ve been struggling a bit with various pests around the Vault. From the Mole People in the basement (they keep tearing up the foundation) to the giant mantis that has been lurking around the Vault’s towers, there have been a lot of unwelcome guests on the property, including a psycho-killer that some believe might be a werewolf and others believe might actually be a couple of sociopathic Frenchmen. There have also been sightings of a man-sized mouse in a tweed suit. We don’t know what the overgrown rodent wants but imagine it can’t be good.
The most dangerous threat, however, has proven to be the ravenous, dog-sized shrews. Please take great care if going out at night. Make sure to always have a buddy with you, and to take a shotgun from the racks by the door. It won’t be enough to protect you from the swarm, but you might be able to take out one or two them before they eat you. Obviously, it will be too late for those poor souls involved, but Beaumont and I will be extremely grateful, as our late-night hunting expeditions mean that we haven’t had a decent night’s sleep in months.
When not fending off the hungry hordes, I’ve been dealing with other situations here in the Vault, including a rash of complaints about “prank calls”. I say this in quotes, because it’s important to remember that the Vault uses a party line system, so sometimes, when you pick up the phone, you’ll pop right into the middle of someone else’s conversation. And yes, topics like murder, kidnappings, and diabolical experiments are completely commonplace here. Our approach is to simply turn a blind eye (or a deaf ear) and we will no longer be accepting complaints about unsavory conversations that our guests have inserted themselves into.
We are proud to announce that this year has also seen the creation of our Maritime Club, which deals with all things water, including sailing, diving, and marine biology. This year, they discovered a giant octopus off the coat and California. To make such a momentous discovery within their first year was an accomplishment that I think we can all be proud of! If you’re interested in joining the Maritime Club, please contact either Professor Joyce or Commander Mathews.
We have some exciting new items in our giftshop, if you’re still looking for the perfect gift. Dr. Carruthers’ aftershave lotion is just the thing to drive your favorite person “batty”. Just apply a few drops to the tender part of the throat and let it get to work. The soothing formula smells amazing and is gentle on the skin. We can guarantee that it’ll be the last aftershave lotion you ever purchase. Or, if your problem is not hair removal, but rather not enough hair, might I recommend Dr. Lorencz’s shark oil hair restorer with 2,000 international units of vitamin A? This doctor-recommended tonic is great for restoring a head of hair to its former glory. We are also selling boxed sets of Mrs. Lovett’s Heat-n-Eat Meat Pies! The perfect easy-prep meal for fiends with tight schedules. Soylent Green doesn’t even taste this good!
Finally, we’ve recently come into the possession of a neighboring plot of land that contains, among other things, an additional castle and an enormous maze. None of us have managed to find our way to the center yet, but we’re hopeful that it contains something shocking, scary, and completely unexpected. If you’d like to test your mettle in the maze, you can speak to the caretaker, Gerald MacTeam to set up a time to explore it.
Well, that’s all for us this year! We hope that your holidays were warm and bright and that the new year is very good to you. See you in 2025!
-Your Horror Hostess, Beaumont, and the fiends in the Vault
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