Excerpts

FOOD EXITS ROASTED RUTABAGA WEDGES MAPLE ROASTED SWEET POTATOES CURRY ROASTED EGGPLANT PESTO SPAGHETTI SQUASH PAN-FRIED CABBAGE WITH MUSTARD SEEDS CRISPY FENNEL SWEET GLAZED WINTER VEGGIES BAKED LEEKS AND PARSNIPS POT OF COLLARDS PINEAPPLE SALSA JICAMA-CORN SALSA HATCH CHILE SALSA Makes enough for 4 people This recipe is inspired by a band that used to play at a local dive bar in one of our old neighborhoods. No, they weren't called the Roasted Rutabagas, but they were just as underrated. ROASTED RUTABAGA WEDGES 6 fist-size rutabagas* 2 tablespoons olive oil 1/4 teaspoon salt 1/4 teaspoon garlic powder 1/2 lemon 1 tablespoon fresh thyme 1 Crank your oven up to 425°F. Pull out a baking sheet. 2 Cut the ends off the rutabagas cause those are tough and you don't want that shit, then cut the rutabagas into thick wedges and add them to a large bowl. Add the oil, salt, and garlic powder and toss together. 3 Pour those onto the baking sheet, stick them into the oven, and roast until you can stick a fork through them and they look browned in some spots, about 35 minutes. 4 Squeeze over the lemon juice, sprinkle with thyme, and serve those rooty bastards warm. * If you can't find rutabagas where you're at, use potatoes or another root veggie that's just as goddamn delicious. FLAUTAS FOR EVERY MEAL These rolled tacos are easy as fuck to make and the perfect way to use up leftovers or empty out the pantry without complaints. This recipe is flexible, just aim for about 5 cups of seasoned filling and 12 flour tortillas and you'll be fine. You've got this shit. Plus, nobody turns down a flauta. Nobody. Now get rollin' and watch the compliments come your way. 1 teaspoon olive oil 1 cup chopped onion 1 tablespoon mild chili powder 1 teaspoon ground cumin 3 cloves garlic, chopped 3 cups cooked pinto, black, white, or kidney beans 1 can (4 ounces) green chiles or 1/2 cup leftover enchilada sauce (Thug Kitchen: Eat Like You Give a Fuck) or ranchero sauce (Thug Kitchen Party Grub) Juice of 1/2 lime 2 cups cooked chopped veggies like sweet potatoes, corn, bell peppers, steamed winter squash, zucchini, mushrooms, or roasted potatoes 1/2 teaspoon salt 12 flour tortillas 1 Turn on your oven to 400°F. Coat a large cooking sheet with a little cooking spray or oil. 2 Heat up the oil in a large sauté pan over medium heat and throw in the onion. Cook until it starts to brown, about 5 minutes. Add the chili powder, cumin, salt, and garlic and cook for another 30 seconds and then turn off the heat. 3 Dump the beans, chiles or sauce, and lime juice together in a large bowl. Mash them up using a potato masher or a spoon until a paste forms. Don't worry if there are some whole beans left. Fold in the sautéed onion and whatever cooked veggies you're using and stir to combine. 4 Warm up the tortillas (however you usually do that shit) then let's get rollin'. Take about 4 heaping tablespoons of filling and spread into a line toward the edge of the left side of a tortilla from top to bottom. Roll up the tortilla nice and tight, from left to right. You could put a small smear of filling toward the right edge of the tortilla to help the rolled tortilla stay shut. Place the flautas seam side down on the baking sheet about an inch or two away from each other. Continue until you run out of filling or tortillas. Obviously. 5 Lightly coat them all with cooking spray or oil and bake for 10 minutes. The bottoms should be golden. Flip them over and bake for another 5 to 7 minutes until they are crispy on both sides. Serve warm with your favorite toppings. Makes enough for 4 people That's right, they taste exactly how they sound--goddamn delicious. Welcome to your new life. Spread the faith. MAPLE ROASTED SWEET POTATOES 2 large sweet potatoes, skin on, cut into 1/4-inch-thick rounds 3 tablespoons grapeseed or safflower oil 3 tablespoons pure maple syrup 1/4 teaspoon chili powder 1/4 teaspoon smoked paprika 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1 Crank your oven up to 450°F. 2 Grab a 9 x 13-inch baking dish and throw in the sweet potatoes, oil, maple syrup, chili powder, smoked paprika, and salt then toss until everything is coated. Spread everything out into the thinnest layer possible. Stick that shit in the oven and roast until the potatoes are tender and kinda burned in some spots, about 25 minutes, stirring halfway. Pour over the lemon juice and serve warm or at room temperature. Throw this in a bowl with Coconut-Lime Rice (page 103) and some black beans (page 181) and you've got yourself a fucking meal. Top it with some avocado to class up the joint. Makes enough for 4 to 6 people Ever heard someone say "Ew, I don't like eggplant"? It's because they've never eaten eggplant like this. Who's out there promoting those soggy, unseasoned eggplant recipes anyways? It's downright disrespectful and we should start holding these eggplant evangelists accountable. CURRY ROASTED EGGPLANT 3 tablespoons safflower, grapeseed, or other high-heat oil 4 teaspoons curry powder 1/4 teaspoon salt 8 small eggplants (the smallest you can find), halved lengthwise 2 tablespoons lime juice Chopped cilantro, for topping 1 Crank up the oven to 425°F. 2 Measure the oil, curry powder, and salt into a 9 x 13-inch baking dish. Mix together, then toss in the cut eggplants. Now mix that motherfucker until the eggplant is all coated. 3 Turn over all the eggplants so that the cut side is facing down in the baking dish. Bake until you can push a fork through them and they feel soft, about 30 minutes. 4 Turn them over and serve them hot, topped with the lime juice and some cilantro. Makes enough for 4 people At some point, we've all had someone enthusiastically serve us terrible spaghetti squash. Here's how to survive: 1) Tell them you're not that hungry. 2) Avoid this scenario entirely by making this bomb-ass dish instead. PESTO SPAGHETTI SQUASH 1 medium spaghetti squash (about 4 £ds) CILANTRO PESTO 1 large bunch cilantro, chopped (about 2 cups) 2/3 cup slivered or sliced almonds 2 cloves garlic, chopped 1/2 teaspoon grated lemon zest 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1/4 cup olive oil 1/4 cup vegetable broth or water 1/4 teaspoon salt 1 Warm the oven to 375°F. Oil up a rimmed baking sheet. 2 Halve the spaghetti squash lengthwise and scoop out the seeds. Place the squash halves cut side down on the oiled baking sheet and use a fork to pierce some holes through the skin a couple of times. Get out some anger, but don't go too nuts. Bake until the flesh on the inside is tender but not mushy, about 45 minutes. 3 While the squash is roasting, make the pesto: Combine all the ingredients in a food processor and zap that shit until it's pesto-y and sorta smooth. 4 When the squash is ready, use a fork and scrape all the flesh into a large bowl. It should come out in strands kinda like spaghetti. You know, like the goddamn name of the recipe, that's why you're here, right? Mix the pesto and the spaghetti squash noodles together and serve. This shit is good warm, cold, or at room temp. It's pretty much good to eat whenever the fuck you want. Makes enough for 4 people Hate your dumbass coworkers? Load your gut with this tasty weapon and the next day, you can "crop dust" your way through corporate. PAN-FRIED CABBAGE WITH MUSTARD SEEDS 1/4 cup grapeseed or safflower oil 2 teaspoons yellow or brown mustard seeds* 4 cloves garlic, thinly sliced 1 teaspoon ground turmeric 1/2 teaspoon ground ginger 6 cups thinly sliced green cabbage 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon lemon juice 1 In a large skillet or wok, warm up the oil over medium-high heat. Add the mustard seeds and stir them around. They'll start popping as they get hot, so pay the fuck attention so they don't flick any hot oil your direction. When those sizzling sons of bitches start to slow down, carefully add in the garlic, turmeric, and ginger. Sauté that all around for 30 seconds. 2 Add the cabbage and salt and toss that all around so that most of the cabbage is coated. Cover and cook until the cabbage is just getting tender, about 20 minutes. Add the lemon juice, then taste and adjust however the fuck you think. Serve hot. * Yeah, mustard comes from seeds. It's fucking crazy. These are on your spice aisle, promise. DID YOU KNOW? Baby carrots are the veal of the vegetable world and are boycotted by many vegetarian establishments. Makes enough for 4 to 6 people If you don't know what fennel looks like, learn that shit, then go bully your friends and family because they don't know what fennel looks like. Better yet, put them to shame by cooking this. SHAME NEVER TASTED SO DELICIOUS. CRISPY FENNEL 1/2 cup panko bread crumbs* 1 teaspoon grated lemon zest 1/2 teaspoon salt 4 bulbs fennel, cut lengthwise into 1/4-inch-thick slices 1/4 cup olive oil Spray oil 1 Crank up the oven to 400°F. Line a rimmed baking sheet with some parchment. 2 Mix together the panko, lemon zest, and salt in a medium bowl. Toss together the fennel and olive oil in a large bowl until the fennel is all coated. 3 One at a time, roll the fennel slices around in the panko and place them on the baking sheet. Spray the tops with a little oil and stick that shit in the oven until the fennel is tender and panko is golden, 20 to 30 minutes. Serve right away. * WTF? See page 189. Makes enough for 4 to 6 people Winter is the perfect time to sneak veggies into your diet. Root veggies are cheap as shit that time of year and you're probably gonna be eating a lot during the holidays anyways, right? Here's a veggie dish that's so damn good we guarantee there won't be leftovers. Unless you're alone and you cook an unreasonable quantity, that's on you. You did that. SWEET GLAZED WINTER VEGGIES 1 £d parsnips, chopped into chunks about the diameter of a quarter 1 £d sweet potatoes, chopped into chunks about the diameter of a quarter 1 £d potatoes, chopped 1/4 medium red onion, chopped 2 tablespoons olive oil 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 teaspoon dried thyme 1/3 cup apple juice 1/3 cup sorta sweet white wine or veggie broth 1 Crank your oven to 425°F. Set aside a 9 x 13-inch baking pan. 2 Add the vegetables to a large bowl and toss them with the olive oil, salt, and thyme until all that shit's coated. 3 Pour the apple juice and wine into the baking dish, stir, then add the vegetables and stir that all up. Roast until the vegetables are tender and kinda browning and the liquid has pretty much evaporated, stirring occasionally, about 40 minutes. 4 Serve right away while you chug the rest of that wine. LEFTOVER ROASTED VEGGIE RISOTTO Have a weird amount of roasted veggies left over? If you want to use them but are sick of random pastas, look no further than an all-purpose veggie risotto. This creamy rice dish gets a bad rap for being difficult, but all you gotta do is stir it a couple of times. Pretty sure you can handle that shit. Just throw in whatever cooked veggies you've got, and you're on your way to a fancy-ass dinner that no one will give a damn it's mostly leftovers. 41/2 cups vegetable broth 2 tablespoons plus 1 teaspoon olive oil 1/2 cup chopped shallots or yellow onion 3 cloves garlic, minced 1 cup Arborio rice* 1/2 cup white wine or vegetable broth 1/4 teaspoon salt 2 to 3 cups chopped roasted veggies, whatever you've got 1/4 cup minced chives or basil, whatever goes best with your veggies 1 Warm up the broth in a medium pot over medium heat, until it gently simmers, then turn off the heat. 2 In a large skillet or pot with a wide bottom, heat up 2 tablespoons oil over medium heat. Add the shallots and sauté until they start to look kinda golden, about 2 to 3 minutes. Add the garlic and rice and sauté until the rice smells toasted and starts looking like it absorbed some of the oil, about 2 minutes. This helps make your risotto all creamy, SO DON'T SKIP THIS SHIT. Add the white wine and salt to the pot and cook until most of the wine has evaporated and you've scraped whatever bits of shallot got stuck to the bottom of the pot, like a minute or two. 3 Add 2 cups of the warm broth, stir, and lower the heat so the pot is at a simmer, uncovered. Stir every couple of minutes until most of the broth has absorbed into the rice, about 7 to 10 minutes. You don't need to stand there and stir it the whole fucking time; just stir it every minute or two while you clean up or troll the Internet. Add another 2 cups of warm broth at this point, and do that whole stir-and-simmer thing again for another 7 minutes or until the rice tastes slightly undercooked and there's still broth in the pot. Now dump in the roasted veggies and cook until the rice looks like it's sitting in a creamy gravy, about 5 to 7 minutes. If it starts looking a little dry before everything is tender, just add some more broth or water (a tablespoon at a time) to fix that shit. 4 When the rice tastes on-point, turn off the heat and fold in the remaining oil and chives. Serve right away. * This kind of rice is starchy as fuck, so it will make your risotto extra creamy and delicious. If you can't find it, don't worry--just grab a short- grain rice and settle for a less creamy dish. Makes enough for 4 people If someone ever asks you "What the fuck is a parsnip?" just whip up this dish and start singing "A Whole New World" from that animated cartoon movie where they fly on magic carpets and they definitely don't sue cookbook authors. BAKED LEEKS AND PARSNIPS 3 leeks, pale green and white parts only, halved lengthwise 5 parsnips (or carrots if you hate adventure), halved lengthwise 2 tablespoons olive oil 1 clove garlic, thinly sliced 1 teaspoon chopped fresh thyme 1 teaspoon chopped fresh rosemary 1/2 teaspoon salt 1/4 cup vegetable broth 1 Crank your oven up to 425°F. 2 Grab a 9 x 13-inch baking dish and throw in the leeks, parsnips, oil, garlic, thyme, rosemary, and salt, and toss it all round the dish until all that shit is coated. 3 Add the veggie broth, cover the dish with foil, and throw it in the oven for 20 minutes. After 20 minutes take off the foil, stir, then roast until everything is tender, 10 to 15 minutes longer. Serve hot or at room temperature. Makes enough for 4 to 6 people Cooking a pot of collards is so fucking fundamental it should be tested at the DMV. Leafy greens are just as important as parallel parking. Get on that shit, DMV. POT OF COLLARDS 3 tablespoons olive oil 1/2 yellow onion, diced 2 chipotle peppers in adobe sauce,* seeded and minced 4 cloves garlic, minced 2 cups vegetable broth 2 bunches of collards, chopped (about 10 cups) 1/2 teaspoon salt 1 tablespoon lemon juice Black pepper Hot sauce Excerpted from Thug Kitchen 101: Fast as Fuck by Thug Kitchen All rights reserved by the original copyright owners. Excerpts are provided for display purposes only and may not be reproduced, reprinted or distributed without the written permission of the publisher.