Publisher's Weekly Review
In a fitting tribute to the resilience of the family, Harding, a British journalist (The House by the Lake) who has written for several American publications, dissects one of the most horrible tragedies that can confront a household: the loss of a child. In July 2012, his oldest child, 14-year-old Kadian, was cycling with family and friends when she was fatally struck by a van. In alternating chapters of past and present, the grieving father draws in the reader with revealing views of his marriage, parenting, his two children, and the tough mourning process during Kadian's funeral. Harding and his wife, Deb, share their secret moments, the overwhelming sadness, and the guilt, all rendered with a fresh boldness and candor. Following the shattering event, he realizes nothing will be the same again and all his loved ones are "broken," but they must make peace with the untimely loss. Harding's sensitive, intimate account eschews sentimental half-truths and sensational details for a purer, healing love that lifts his family above sadness and pain to become "free from the shackles of grief." (Jan.) © Copyright PWxyz, LLC. All rights reserved.
Kirkus Review
A British journalist and nonfiction writer's account of how he came to uneasy terms with the accidental death of his 14-year-old son.When Harding (The House by the Lake: One House, Five Families, and a Hundred Years of German History, 2016, etc.) lost his son, Kadian, on a cycling trip, the irony seemed too cruel. Twenty-five years before, he had met his wife and Kadian's mother while doing a charity bike ride across the United States. A dedicated journalist "too busy to be a fathertoo irresponsible," he had not wanted children; but when Kadian and, later, a younger daughter were born, he fell "totally in love." Harding remembers the death and too-brief life of his son, a "Prince Charming" of a boy who loved lizards, bicycles, and Apple electronics. He also offers a stark portrait of his own anguish. Timealong with the contented life he knewseemed to end the moment his son died. Trying to make sense of the tragedy, Harding moves between past and present, joy and sorrow, to create a sense of the traumatic inner fracturing he experienced. Guilt further compounded his grief. Not only did he feel anger at his inability to shepherd his daughter and wife through loss. He also wrestled with the overwhelming sense that, in his role as family protector, he was to blame for his son's death. Bewildered and struggling to cope with PTSD, Harding searched for and found a wordkampuused by a group of Australian Aborigines to describe the parent of a dead child. Sympathy from those around him as well as the work of memorializing Kadian helped gradually assuage the author's pain. Yet Harding realized a new truththat his purpose would be "forever questioned, in doubt"had come to define his "imperfect" life as a kampu. Both eloquent and heart-rending, Harding's book is not only a grieving father's testament of love to his dead son. It is also a reminder of the fragility of life and human relationships. An emotionally raw and uncompromising memoir. Copyright Kirkus Reviews, used with permission.
Booklist Review
In 2012, Harding, five family members, and friends bicycled in the English countryside. His 14-year-old son, Kadian, led the pack downhill, but his brakes failed, and he was struck by a van. Death was instantaneous. Harding's memoir eulogizes his son and likely serves as a form of therapy for the bereaving author, who questions his responsibility for the boy's death, his inability to protect Kadian, and why such a horrible event happened. Kadian's empty seat in the car on family excursions is a haunting symbol of a tragic loss and permanent void. Harding poignantly communicates his grief: My life is now tainted, stained, impure. I am broken. He visits a therapist, but his only fleeting escape is found in sleep. Memory is a two-edged sword. The good ones of Kadian alive are sustaining, but the terrible ones surrounding his death are unnerving. Parenthood, family dynamics, growing up, love, and grief are effectively addressed. But mostly, Harding concentrates on the connections and complexity of the father-son relationship, complicated by the burden of grief, survival, and guilt.--Miksanek, Tony Copyright 2016 Booklist
