About this item
A relative or friend has finally taken those tentative first steps toward sobriety. With the relief of this life-changing course of action comes a new and difficult set of challenges for recovering addicts and those who love them. Family members and friends often find themselves unsure of how to weather such a dramatic turn, as the rules and routines of their relationships no longer pertain.Everything Changes assuages fears and uncertainty by teaching loved ones of newly recovering addicts how to navigate the often-tumultuous early months of recovery. Beverly Conyers, author of the acclaimed Addict in the Family, again shares the hope and knowledge that she gained as a parent of a recovering addict by focusing on the aftermath of addiction. She outlines the physical and psychological changes that recovering addicts go through, and offers practical tools to help family members and friends:build a fresh, rewarding relationship with the addictbe supportive without setting themselves up for disappointmentavoid enabling destructive behaviorset and maintain boundariescope with relapsedeal with the practicalities of sober living, such as helping the addict find a job and deal with the stigma of addiction.
About the Author
Beverly Conyers is the mother of three grown children. She began writing about addiction when she discovered that her youngest daughter was addicted to heroin. She knows first-hand the anxiety and heartache that families endure, and she has gained deep insight into the process of recovery from addicts who share their experiences in her books. Above all, she knows that there is no such thing as a hopeless case. Everything can change even when we least expect it, and the miracle of recovery happens every day.
Q & A with Beverly Conyers
Why did you start writing about addiction?
When I discovered that my daughter was addicted to heroin, I knew nothing about addiction. I was one of those people who thought, "This will never happen in my family." When reality hit me over the head and broke through my denial, I wanted to learn everything I could about addiction so I could figure out how to save my daughter. I did a lot of research and interviewed a lot of therapists and people in recovery, and then I wanted to share what I had learned with others.
What was the most surprising thing you learned about addiction?
That addiction actually changes the way the brain functions. One night my daughter told me that when junkies hear that someone has died of an overdose, their first thought is, "That must be good stuff. Where can I get some? " That statement shocked me, but it also made crystal clear that her brain was controlled by the compulsion to get and use substances. Nothing else really mattered to her.
How did that understanding help you cope with her addiction?
Once I understood that her brain wasn't functioning normally, I was able to change some of my behaviors. The addict's compulsion to use leads to all kinds of deception, dishonesty, and manipulation. Addicts live in a crazy world and create their own version of reality. It's hard for someone who loves an addict not to get sucked into that world. But we can't be helpful if we're drowning in confusion right along with the addict. We have to have a pretty clear sense of our own boundaries and values. When the addict's make-believe world clashes with the real world, it creates discomfort that can lead to the desire to get clean and sober.
You say you wanted to save your daughter. Were you able to do that?
Of course not. No one can save another person. My daughter did eventually get clean, but it took a very long time and she did it because she wanted to. I do believe, though, that once I had a better understanding of addiction, I was able to change my own behavior in ways that promoted her recovery.
What kinds of behavior can promote recovery?
One of the hardest things in the world is to watch someone we love destroy her life. We see the damage that addiction is doing and our instinct is to jump in and rescue or argue or threaten or use shame to try to
