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"A compassionate road map and survival guide for people in narcissistic relationships..." - Jay Shetty, New York Times bestselling author of Think Like a Monk and host of the On Purpose with Jay Shetty podcast. From clinical psychologist and expert in narcissistic relationships Dr. Ramani Durvasula, a guide to protecting and healing yourself from the daily harms of narcissism. AN OPEN FIELD PUBLICATION FROM MARIA SHRIVER. It's not always easy to tell when you're dealing with a narcissistic person. One day they draw you in with their charm and charisma, the next they gaslight you, wreck your self-esteem, and leave you wondering, What should I have done differently? As Dr. Ramani explains in It's Not You, the answer is: absolutely nothing.. Just as a tiger can't change its stripes, a narcissist will not stop manipulating and invalidating you, no matter how much you try to appease them.