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An officer and an idiot... Guido and Nunzio may not be the brightest bodyguards in the world-but they certainly are faithful. When Skeeve "the Great" asks them to join the army of Possiltum, the two thugs volunteer without question... Except: Whose side are they on? Queen Hemlock's? The Mob Fairy Godfather's? Skeeve's? The two baffled bodyguards barely have time to figure it out-they've been handed government-issue crossbows, armored with leather skirts, and given combat orders by the dreaded drill sergeant Smiley! With war heroes like these... who needs enemies?